Geek News

I was driving by the Boone County Main Library and I stopped to get a card. Now I can check out books from seven different library systems which would be more impressive if anyone couldn’t already do it through inter-library loans.

I would have left this half-assed post with that but I just went over to the Barnes and Noble’s page (and, due to the result, I’m not including a link) to check on news about The Simpsons Season 11.  The search brought up these results: 

1. Love Actually
2. High Society
3. The Holiday
4. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
5. Center Stage
6. Nancy Drew
7. Honey
8. Sgt. Bilko
9. 2 Fast 2 Furious
10. Wild Hogs

It wouldn’t bother me so much if the completely unrelated movies were better. Same words on Amazon.com came up with . . . The Simpsons Season 11! It’s due out on October 7, if any one is interested.

No word yet on Season 12.

Say It Ain’t So, Jumbo: Elephants Accused of Rape

Long ago I had hopes that this would be a normal blog but I’ve been pulled into the filth and muck so that I only post about animal perversions.

Apparently this is more of a draw that writing about my drab personal life. Orangutan Rape is again the most viewed post in the blog and I feel an obligation to give the public what it wants.

So here’s the sad case of the raping elephants. (safe for work link)

I’m going to need a shower for about a week.

Dogs Spared!

A little while ago I posted the gross story of sex, dogs, and videotape. As noted, the dogs were initially sentenced to a mere severe punishment than the allegedly more intelligent humans.

Well, justice has prevailed. The dogs are going to live.

Not sure if I’d want them in my house but. given the choice between the people or the dogs, I’d have to go with the dogs.

Evilution Disproven

Hand it to the highly educated fundamentalists (in this case Islamic)–reality stood in the way of their beliefs and they bludgeoned through anyway. How can you argue that a fly can’t evolve a steel hook in its belly?

Court: Nothing Wrong with Janet’s Breasts

I’m probably the only person in America who missed Janet’s nipple rings during the 2004 Super Bowl. I wasn’t expecting it and certainly wasn’t expecting this:

A panel of the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled Monday that the FCC “acted arbitrarily and capriciously” in issuing the fine for the fleeting image of nudity, which it noted lasted just over half a second.

I’m sure prudes of the world are screaming–of course, it’s all that Illinois Muslim’s fault!

This Time a Bulldog

The journalistic trend to identify the breed of dog that a sex-offender was breeding with continues. [Safe for work link to story.]

Again, an immediate relative contacts police (in this case, making a citizen’s arrest.)

I guess I’m going through life with blinders but there’s a lot of things that have no erotic appeal to me whatsoever. I’m not a prude–hey, I’ve been in porn flicks–but if this fella can’t find an interested woman (or man or in-between), wouldn’t a magazine be a better choice than a bulldog?

In the words of Homer J. Simpson, “Television. Friend. Teacher. Secret Lover.”  Better choice than a dog, I’d have to say.

And hasn’t he ever heard of cold showers. Or thinking of Janet Reno naked. That chills my blood to Puritanical levels.

But enough of that, I should just thank the media for pointing out that it was a bulldog. I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I had to wonder if it might be a Weimaraner.

Red, Red Mars

A history of socialism on Mars, via George Basalla’s Civilized Life in the Universe: Scientists on Intelligent Extraterrestrials.  Oxford University Press, 2006:

 

In 1907 Edward H. Clement, the editor of the Boston Telegraph wrote an extended poem called “The Gospel from Mars.” It asked humanity to reject war and work together as the Martians did to make their planet-wide canals.

 

Because a one-world canal system would imply a one-world government, Clement believed such an effort was inherently socialist and joked that Mars was red to reflect its socialist nature. He sent his work to Percival Lowell who was appalled.

 

Lowell had more of a conservative mindset:  against women’s right to vote, labor unions, immigration, statehood for Arizona (apparently a hotbed of socialism) but in favor of the death penalty. He was also vigorously against Prohibition so he’s okay in my book. (For a product of his time, he really was a pretty decent guy–WWI devastated him.)

 

Lowell, needless to say, didn’t think his beloved Martians were pinkos and opposed One World Government on any planet.

 

However, from what he saw of Mars, it seemed clear that Martians had a system of unbroken canals all around their world. He countered Clement that the Martians lived in an extreme social Darwinistic society with the workers obeying the high elite or perishing. Kinda like Galt’s Gulch for non-humans. Or like Galt’s Gulch.

 

Sadly, further inspection of the canals showed them to be natural formations (at least according to most inspections). No socialist or Randian aliens are currently known to exist but scientists are scanning the heavens as I write.

 

Keep watching the skis.

 

Mice Overthrow Alligators

Alligators no longer rule the United States. The mice have seized control. Sending soft-ball sizes shock troops into an area, none dare oppose them. Resistance will be met with horrific assault by their air force. Do not try to shoot them with .44 magnums–they’ll only toss the bullets back at you.

All hail the mice!

So What’s Anderson Really Like?

For your consideration:  a typical Anderson Kroger deli customer.

Actually I don’t know if this guy ever ordered deli meat at all. Maybe he’s a vegetarian or draws nutrients from the air.

But he does remind me of many customers back when I was slicing meat for the deli.

Many people think that residents of Anderson are all rich snobs. I believe Mr. Smallwood can help dispel that assumption. Anderson is like Washington D.C. A mixture of snobs and rednecks. Neither group making for ideal person to wait on.

So, ladies and Gentlemen, from my neck of the woods:  Mr. Gregory Smallwood! Let’s see you make a bad pun out of that!

Recently this blog is a dumping ground for stories of weird sexual behavior and my griping about Devilboy (he just broke the DVD player). I wouldn’t have bothered with this one except that it happened within walking distance of my place and his face looks familiar.

What’s a Little Cross Burning Among Friends?

Ohio town is split over cross-burning preacher/teacher.

So he didn’t burn crosses in the KKK-sense but used a device to burn them on students’ arms. Oh, that’s okay then.

It’s not an issue that he had a Bible (or it shouldn’t be) but what he did with it. If he owned a copy of the Bible, Koran, Dianetics, or Satanic Bible and kept it on school grounds, I’d support him. If he used any of them to preach to class, I’d fire him. (Although if he burnt any sort of image on students’ arms, I’d say books become a non-issue.)

The sad thing is that his supporters aren’t denying that they have special rights, they’re revelling in it and demanding that tax-payers chip in. “Equal rights, not special rights” is only a bad thing when applied to someone else.